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92. Are You a Generous Blamer? — 7 Comments

  1. Oh no! I recognise myself as a sorry-mother! Aargh!
    OK, I’m on it now I am learning every day in every way to get better and better.
    I forgive myself lovingly, I am doing the best I can with the knowledge and tools I have in this moment. Onwards!

  2. I have heard you for years and I feel very sad that you blame parents..that is what you do..and detach them. It seems violent to mantra this. It severs family.

    • Dear Pepper,
      On the contrary, I do not blame parents. I just make people let go of the burden that comes from any man or woman to ‘clean’ yourself from their emotions and thought beliefs that you may have taken in. Usually by doing this the contact between people and their parents improves! Please watch the instruction video for my explanation about this, starting at 8:15!
      Greetings! Mireille

  3. Oh Mireille, this article was written for me, and it is breaking my heart. I was the “sorry mother.” And because of my desire to see my child be happy and my willingness to to try and try and to never stop trying to make that happen, I see how I destroyed her. The harder I tried, the more miserable and irresponsible she became, blaming me for every bump in her path, every negative mood, every challenge in life. She even invents things that never happened to blame me for. And the funniest part is that as I read your article and saw how this is EXACTLY the cause of this tragic situation, I felt a wave of guilt at my own responsibility in creating it, and immediately thought that I need to try and fix it! Obviously I cannot go back, and I understand now that I can only fix myself. I have become stronger recently, and have begun to reclaim myself. But the damage has been done. This belief of being responsible for other people’s happiness goes very deep. How can I gather the strength to face my now adult child’s misery without wanting to ease her pain?

    • Dear Lisa,
      You show a great deal of courage by being able to look at yourself like that! These insights are golden! You just need to keep looking at them, feeling the guilt and be gentle to yourself that you didn’t know any other way, back then. Nobody goes to Mother School, right? It’s great you are capable of looking at yourself. And please trust that when you change yourself, everyone around you will start to change.
      With love,

  4. Thank you for this, it is a fascinating and insightful article. I wondered if there is anything similar to consider the effects of the MIR method to support someone who has lived with a critical influence? Many thanks

    • Dear Kate,
      Yes, that could make quite an interesting article as well. When spmobody lived with the influence of someone who is very critical, it is a matter of totally rebuilding yourself and find back your inner self confidence. That can be quite a journey. I did write an article about it that has some elements of this: “Female problem: Adapting, Neglecting yourself and Forgetting Your Own Importance.
      It takes deep healing to regain inner strength after living with critical influence.
      Hope the MIR-Method will bring you much good!
      Greetings, Mireille Mettes

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