Not being able to forgive yourself is the most poisonous thing there is. Berating yourself, punishing yourself such as, “Nothing I do is good, it’s my fault”, “If I hadn’t been here, it would have gone well”, “If only I hadn’t been born”, “Sorry for my existence”. These are strong words, but I recently read them, from a young woman who wasn’t alive shortly after that. She had posted her farewell on Internet. If you’ve been involved in a situation that didn’t end well, you know it can remain with you for the rest of your life. And dependent on how sensitive you are, it can go from -someone else being punished instead of you- to -feeling responsible for someone’s death-.
Guilt is a cocoon
When you can’t forgive yourself, you live in a cocoon. You can barely move or breathe. You always live in tension. “When am I going to do something stupid again?” “When am I going to be blamed again?” “When will people see how I really am? Then they won’t like me anymore.” These are the thoughts of people who are eager to have contact with other people but are certain they are guilty and feel totally stuck. They do everything they can to do right. They bend and bow and try to make everyone happy. Every form of criticism or commentary that people give, hits hard. And then they try even harder so they never have to hear the criticism again.
When you can’t forgive yourself, you can’t take up any space. The “sorry that I exist” within causes you to give other people a lot of room. This is what feels good to you. You can think: “Others are better, more honest, don’t make the mistakes I do”. Or even crazier: “It’s fine if other people make mistakes, sure. But me? No, I can’t. I really can’t”. And you punish yourself even more when you make another mistake. “No, go ahead, go over my boundaries, and take another piece of me away. I deserve it”.
The guiltier, the more honest
If you feel guilty and therefore can’t forgive yourself, you lose ground. You don’t ask for what you need. You let others be more important than yourself. You don’t open your mouth when you’ve been wronged. It’s not possible because you’re in your cocoon. It seems like the whole world is ok except for you. But be comforted, reality is the other way around: it’s because you have such a strong conscience and are so honest that you suffer so much from this! Others make errors, mistakes, blunders; they learn from them and let go again. But you are sensitive and are enormously aware of honesty, and that makes it really hard for you to let go. Therefore, the guiltier you feel, the more honest you are!
Lead role: the liver meridian
The liver meridian plays the leading role in not being able to forgive yourself. If this meridian is blocked, you can’t forgive yourself. You work with step 4 ‘Clear meridians’ on this. Slowly but surely your ability to forgive yourself awakens.
With step 7 ‘Fulfill basic needs’, the basic need “Forgiveness” is supplemented. It becomes a familiar thing, trusted. Forgiving yourself becomes easier because of this.
Another important step in the MIR-Method is step 8 ‘Optimize Chakras and Aura’. And it is all about your heart chakra. This is found at heart level on both the front and back of your body. Sometimes you feel a pain right in the center of your breast bone or between your shoulder blades. This pain shows your heart chakra is blocked. It is then more difficult to forgive and to love yourself. If you do step 8, you slowly but surely free your heart chakra with the ability to forgive yourself as a result.
In step 8 is another strong chakra, the “tailbone chakra”. This can be found where your back ends and it is important that it is grounded. It gives you the feeling of existential validity. That there is room here for you. That people have to take you into consideration instead of the other way around. And that you are worth being received.
Always do all 9 steps
To rediscover your self-forgiveness, always do all 9 steps. Do them all and in the order which is explained to you in the instruction-video!
Do you recognize yourself in this article? Then do an extra version of the MIR-Method. Place a hand on your heart, stroke with the other hand over the first one, and do the MIR-Method. You’ll notice that you give your heart extra strength and the ability to forgive yourself.
How do I know that it is working?
You notice that it is working by what you say. You suddenly start to set boundaries and to stand up for yourself! Your “No” is suddenly being heard and respected. You start to appreciate who you are, what you do. That you also have the right to a fine place and happiness. You start to see that you are a fine human being and… that you have the right to exist! Precisely you with your toweringly high level of honesty and integrity! You have the right to exist!
Question for you: have you noticed that you can forgive yourself more easily? That you are starting to take up more space? What happened when you did the extra exercise? I’d love to hear from you!
Write your reaction below. Thank you!
I hope with all my heart that you can free yourself out of your cocoon and occupy your space. Looking forward to hearing from you!
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P.S. Not familiar with the MIR-Method yet? Please go to the homepage. You can watch the video there and also the instruction video. Sign up for our newsletter and 6 weeks of coaching e-mails for extra support!