116. Do You Have a Secret?
“Don’t tell anyone. He would be devastated.”
“If they knew how things really are…”
“It’s better if I keep it to myself, because otherwise…”
“If only I hadn’t promised to keep it to myself.”
“It’s our little secret, isn’t it?”
“If you tell anyone, I know where to find you.”
Bad for your health
Secrets are stifling. They are information that you have but can’t share with anyone. The consequences would be harsh. There is the risk of losing people, of them looking at you differently. It might even be dangerous to open your mouth. Secrets are very unpleasant indeed. They dwell inside of you and make you aware of them several times a day. You feel the emotions along with them, the grief, the feelings of guilt, and the shame, feeling stifled from not being able to speak. Secrets destroy a lot. Not so much around you but inside of you. Good for your health? No! They can be the roots of all kinds of problems, from biting your nails to sleeping problems.
Two kinds of secrets
There are various forms of secrets. I’ll share two.
1. Secrets about something that you did, the “I-secret”.
2. Secrets about something that someone else did, the “you-secret”.
You did something once that nobody can know about. If they knew about it, people would judge you differently, point at you and leave you. This kind of secret causes you to live in fear. Fear of being found out, that someone discovers it. The fear that it will finally become clear just how “bad” or “unreliable” you are. The fear that you might lose some people is too great to talk about your secret. So you keep it to yourself.
Someone else did something that no one can know about but you do know about it. A “you-secret” causes you to live under pressure. Without noticing it, you’re constantly on guard. Could the other person make your life difficult? What would he/she do if you did talk about it? You live in insecurity and uncertainty and have a layer in your system that is constantly on guard.
Give up your secret?
Whatever the type of secret that you carry with you, it’s not good for your health. The best thing to do would be to give up your secret, to express it, to get it out of your system. But this is the most difficult thing about it, giving up the secret. And it’s not always possible. In some cases, your “confession” will destroy more than is necessary. It always involves weighing two unpleasant situations. After years, telling the truth can bring great relief but the consequences could be enormous. What do you do? Keep the secret or expose it?
The MIR-Method and secrets
If you do the MIR-Method, secrets will be loosened out of your system. You will find that feelings of guilt lessen, that the shame disappears. You find yourself realizing that “you are also just a human” and that the choice you made then was the choice of someone who may have allowed themselves to be influenced in the moment without realizing what the consequences would be. You would handle the situation differently now!
The MIR-Method helps you to regain your self-confidence, because people who carry a secret deep within themselves have issues with their self-image. If you’ve got an “I-secret” and you see the damage you created, then there is a large chance that you punish yourself. You talk negatively about yourself. You don’t allow yourself to enjoy things. You are convinced that you are flawed. This “self-punishment” or “self-flagellation” undermines your health in a big way. You will cause emotional and physical problems if you continue with this. And it’s no longer necessary! Your secret is your secret. You acted back then because you didn’t have an alternative or didn’t want to act differently. Now it’s time to allow your secret to dissipate within yourself and give it peace: do the MIR-Method. Or use it to open up about it! This way you can love and appreciate yourself again and find peace within yourself. With the MIR-Method you’ll find the wisdom in yourself to deal with the secret. You’ll slowly but surely forgive yourself for what you did and be able to put it in its place. Whether you confess it or not, it won’t control your life any longer.
Confessing your “you-secret”
A “you-secret” is another story. Through the MIR-Method you increasingly gain courage. You become stronger within yourself. You feel more inner safety. The “you-secret” might need to be told so that more doesn’t go wrong. So that there are not more victims. You go through thick layers of fear to be able to tell the truth. You take good care of yourself doing this, keeping your safety at the forefront. You take the steps in this order:
– You confide in someone you trust and whom you dare to tell the “you-secret” to without saying whom it is about.
– You ask for help, “What would you do?”. How can I reveal this without being afraid for myself? If it’s something big, think about going to an association for whistleblowers! Read about this in the article, 89: Are You a Bearer of the Truth?”
– Find out, with or without assistance, if you can open up about the secret anonymously.
– Be aware of the damage you are causing by NOT giving up your secret! Can you live with that? And how high is the price that you pay by keeping the secret inside? What is that doing with the tension in your body? To your health? Can your conscious deal with it? How long do you want to continue to live in fear or worry?
And how about you? Have you opened up about a secret since doing the MIR-Method? Or are you more at peace with your secret because of the MIR-Method? I’d love to hear about it! Please write about it below. Thank you!
By using the “End” key on your keyboard you can go straight to the form. You should always ask a MIR-Method coach about personal questions!
My wish for you is that you may free yourself of your secret!
Wishing you strength and courage!
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P.S. Are you not yet familiar with the MIR-Method? Please go to the homepage: www.mirmethod.com You can watch the video there and also the instruction video. Register on the homepage to receive the newsletter and 6 weeks of coaching e-mails for extra support.
My secret is from childhood, pre-teen years when I was victimized by an older brother. I had to defend myself numerous times. Years later, I confronted him, who said he didn’t remember this abuse. After a lot of therapy and self-help, I think I’ve come through this fairly well. I have never spoken of this to my family. Had this never happened, I’m sure I would be a different person. I don’t know why this happened, but it did. I’ve moved on to become stronger and more confident. I’ve done the MIR method for several months. Do you have further recommendations? I appreciate the MIR tips.
Am very sorry to hear what happened to you. Very often the cause is that your energy is very light and somehow evokes longing to be with that light, as close as possible. Or the opposite: to dim your light.
Am glad you sought therapy. Well done! You could use some consultations with a MIR-Method coach if you are open to that. She could find out if there are any remnants to these experiences.
Wishing you all the softness in the world!
But how do you apply it? Must Add sentence after the steps relating to the secret? Must I said I free my self of ….secret…?
Just by doing the 9 steps, you already work on accepting or releasing the secret. If you want to make it go quicker, you can add an extra step before the 9 steps. You can read about it in this article: “Adding Your Own Step to the MIR-Method.” You can say sentences like ‘reveal secret’ or ‘accept secret’, depending on if you have an ‘I-secret’ or a ‘You-secret’.
Greetings, Mireille Mettes