Blundering, stumbling or making mistakes. We don’t like to do this but it happens to us daily. And if you’re successful at something, maybe you wave it away. “Oh well, it worked out, but thanks to the others.” Or, “It’s not a complete success but ok”. People who make these kinds of statements are probably perfectionists. These people can make life pretty difficult for themselves but also for the people around them when they expect the same high standards from the people around them.
If you have a tendency to be a perfectionist, there’s a large chance that you get in your own way. If you want everything to be perfect and don’t take the chance of making mistakes, this can be the main reason you don’t get started on anything. The fear of failure is greater than the chances of success.
How do you become a perfectionist?
Perfectionism can be fun and wonderful. But if perfectionism doesn’t serve a purpose anymore and it takes you too long to do something, if you become too involved with details, it becomes unpractical. It develops during childhood, when you keep hearing comments like, “It’s crooked,” “Couldn’t you have used more color?” or “You could have done better.” You are judged on your performance. You get a low grade because you didn’t write neatly. Or totally the opposite: you are put on a pedestal. You are good at something and are constantly being praised for it. The expectation that you’ll always do well becomes a “demand” to always deliver this high performance again. “You can do that, right?” “She’s so good at that!”
Cause of depression
If you are a perfectionist, you expect too much. You expect a lot from yourself and set high standards. If what you do is anything less, you haven’t reached your own standards and disappoint yourself. The result can be that you are hard on yourself and give up. “See, I can never get it right.” It destroys your ability to take initiative and can cause you to become apathetic or depressed.
I always work with two standards. One is the highest possible. If I reach that, it’s perfect. And the second is the “amply sufficient” standard. If my work is “amply sufficient” enough to make it public, then it is acceptable. It’s good enough. By doing this, I put perfectionism into perspective. The funny thing is that when a perfectionist thinks that something is “amply sufficient”, it is usually very good and the few less-than-perfect details are insignificant.
High sensitivity and perfectionism
Almost everyone who is highly sensitive is also a perfectionist. They usually have high expectations of themselves. To prevent themselves from failing, they want to do everything perfectly. If they don’t succeed, highly sensitive people feel shame. It makes it more difficult for them to start something the next time. Many highly sensitive children and teenagers escape into computer games. It’s a difficult challenge to accept that something may not be perfect but that it’s still good. Becoming conscious of this is the first step. Highly sensitive people also take everything personally. If their work is not approved of, it’s as if their entire person is being rejected. For highly sensitive people it’s of great importance that they learn to discern between whom they are and what they do.
The MIR-Method and perfectionism
Step 3: Detach father. Detach mother helps with letting go of the disapproval you used to experience. From your father or other men/boys. From your mother or other women/girls. By letting go of the disapproval, you relax and realize that it’s ok when things don’t go perfectly.
In step 4: Clear meridians we find the large intestine meridian. When this meridian lets go of the blockages to it, the exaggerated and rigid feelings of having to do everything perfectly also disappear.
In step 7: Fulfill basic needs are such needs as “Appreciation”, “Love” and “Approval”. When these needs within yourself are fulfilled, you begin to appreciate yourself and your work more. You reassure yourself, “It’s all right if it’s not perfect. It’s good enough.” You increase your love for yourself: “I worked hard for this and with this time given and these circumstances what I did is really good.” You give yourself approval. “Well done, girl.” And then you almost automatically bring your right hand to your left shoulder and pat yourself on the back while saying, “Well done!” The feeling of pride within yourself will grow!
Always do all 9 steps
Even though I only mention a few of the steps above, it’s important to do always do all 9 steps. The steps cooperate together to form a whole.
And how is the MIR-Method working for you? Are you growing fonder of your own work? Do you allow yourself more to make mistakes? Do you feel more proud of yourself? I’d love to hear about it from you! Please write about it below. Thank you!
Personal questions should always be asked of a MIR-Method coach!
Sincere greetings and my wish for you is that you and the perfectionist in you get along well with each other!
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P.S. Are you not yet familiar with the MIR-Method? Please go to the homepage: www.mirmethod.com You can watch the video there and also the instruction video. Register on the homepage to receive the newsletter and 6 weeks of coaching e-mails for extra support.