180. Why Women Won’t Let Men Cry
Crying your eyes out, one salty tear falls out of your eyes after the other. Streams lead over your cheeks and itch. Your ears become full of tears because you’re crying while you’re lying down. Snot comes out of your nose. Crying is a crazy affair with all those fluids and that mucus. And if you really let go, you can even start shaking. Shoulders shake intensively, and your abdominal muscles join in. It’s quite the experience for the entire body. People who cry empty themselves and shake all kinds of thing off of themselves.
Going against nature
If you try to stop this process of sobbing you hinder an important healing process. Why else would you cry? It really isn’t a mistake of nature! Humans are supposed to cry! To deal with things, to cleanse. Crying resolves stubborn pain. It delivers you from the energies that have piled up. It is a form of expression of deep frustration that’s been held in for too long. It allows your conscious brain, moreover, to see that something is going on. It’s a clear message from your subconscious, a cry for help. Give your inner being some attention! Through an intensive fit of crying you can empty yourself and the next day breathe more freely because you have more room in your heart.
If you are crying for someone else
Sensitive people can cry for someone else. Often, it’s not just one person they are crying for, but a group. That is the subconscious of a whole of people together. For example, you could come into contact with the collective subconscious of women or people with autism and notice how oppressed and misunderstood they are. Or you feel the collective subconscious of babies and cry their grief and powerlessness. Or you cry the collective grief of animals in the farm industry.
I am familiar with this phenomenon, of crying for a collective. A while ago, it was for oppressed women. A few weeks later it was the collective of children. And recently, I was surprised to notice that a Sunday of sobbing came from the collective grief of men! That made me think. And I saw the pressure men are under. The obligation to provide, the pressure to perform, always being powerful, strong, stable, winning, and having everything under control. Phew, it’s not easy! And then the grief of men who can’t fulfill this any more and especially, no longer want to fulfill this. Simply because they don’t want to live like that any more because they want to shape their lives differently. With more relaxation and more attention to their colorful inner beings.
Men’s greatest embarrassment
According to Dr. Brené Brown, men are most embarrassed when they show their vulnerability. When they cry, are afraid or feel deficient because they don’t have it under control any more. In the past year, many people lost their jobs. Men who are the main family breadwinner can feel deeply rejected, humiliated and tossed aside by this. They feel like they failed and lost a part of their identities because they find their identity in their work. It can leave deep feelings of shame. Men who can’t express themselves can risk falling into a depression because of this.
Women don’t (yet) want vulnerable men
Women aren’t used to men who fall apart and start crying. A man sobbing with grief? I’ve never seen it happen in my whole life. But the big problem with this is that we women subconsciously don’t want men to be vulnerable! Brené Brown says, “If men have the courage to show their vulnerability, women often react with fear, disappointment or even disgust, with which they give men the message “to be strong” and “man up”. One of Brené’s mentors said, “Men know what women really want. They want us to pretend to be vulnerable. We are getting increasingly better at pretending.”
And it’s with that pretending that something goes really wrong. When men have to bottle up their emotions, it changes into anger or emotional closure and depression. Men choose to commit suicide twice as often as women, because of loss of face, the feeling that they have to deal with it themselves. They feel that they can’t talk about their feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness.
And here is an important task for women. Men, just as women do, sometimes feel small and weak, like scared young boys. It’s up to women to give their partners and sons the feeling that they are allowed to feel this way. That it is completely ok. It’s ok to cry. That they go into the depths of misery with them. That they are the sturdy rock upon which men can lean for a while.
The MIR-Method and crying
If you do the MIR-Method you can begin to feel your deep sadness. It’s possible that your tears find their way out and that you can’t stop crying. It seems like you’re worse off than you were, emotionally unstable, but the opposite is true!
To be able to cry again develops, among others, in step 4: Clear meridians, because the Large intestine meridian begins flowing again. Getting yourself back on track happens through
step 7: Fulfill basic needs, with which you supplement your need for Comfort. People who had someone cold and emotionless as a role model detach themselves from that person via step 3: Detach father. Detach mother. The ability to talk about your deepest feelings is fostered by step 8: Optimize chakras and aura, when the throat chakra (chakra 5) is freed up again.
Even though I only mention a few of the steps, always do all 9!
And how about you? Have you noticed that you can express your feelings more easily since doing the MIR-Method? Can you cry more easily? I’d love to hear about it! Please write about it below. Thank you!
My wish for you is that you can embrace your vulnerability and that of men!
P.S. Will you help spread the MIR-Method? You would do me a big favor by forwarding this article to other people! Feel free to post it to your Facebook page or send it via e-mail, Twitter or Linked-In! Use the icons on the left-hand side or below! Thank you!
P.S. Not familiar with the MIR-Method yet? Please go to the homepage. You can watch the video there and also the instruction video. Sign up for our newsletter and 6 weeks of coaching e-mails for extra support!
One of the most fantastic and insightful stories I have read. There is too much pressure on men from women. Men get a bad break and this article is so insightful to who men really are. Our dogmas/stories around men have to change. Our group consciousness says men arent supposed to cry. Men are the bread winners. Men have to be strong, etc. Lets start including men in our dialog. Open the door. Men are not the enemy, Our Victorian beliefs are. My father said men dont cry….SO, I taught my boys to cry, and they cry freely, and are healthy.
Thank you for teaching your boys to be vulnerable! Love the thought of how they will grow up into being whole, emotionally stable men!