71. Loneliness: Lack of Connection
Alone in the world. Some people have “no one”. Friends have died or gone away. After a divorce, friends chose the ex. Family is no longer there, or lives far away in another country. These people have little or no contact with others. They turn the television on to see someone.
Some people do have relationships but they aren’t so good anymore. Through misunderstandings, conflicts developed and arguments resulted, and there is only superficial contact at required gatherings such as Christmas or birthdays. Small talk and don’t make any waves.
Some people have relationships but these relationships don’t suit them anymore. A circle of friends in which you no longer feel at home. A partner who doesn’t understand you. You have developed yourself, have started thinking about your life, but others don’t “grow” along with you. You are not understood and don’t feel like you are taken seriously.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is described in research as the “desire for more, different or better relationships”. It has been estimated that approximately 60 million people in the United States feel lonely (Wikipedia). Researchers think that more people feel they can be open about it now. Loneliness isn’t so taboo anymore. And there are an increasing number of fantastic initiatives to bring people together. What is surprising is that loneliness is not tied to age and is not just for the elderly. As a single parent you are often misunderstood. “You’ve got such lovely children?” Young people might not be so quick to admit that they are lonely because it’s not “cool”.
What if social creatures are alone?
When you realize that we are all social creatures who thrive through having contact with others and through touch then you can imagine that loneliness has serious adverse consequences. A law of nature reigns: everything is connected to everything else; everyone is connected to everyone else. When you no longer feel connected to others, you feel lonely and deserted by everyone and everything. Then you are no longer able to be in contact with the true core of your existence: living together with other people. In the long term, this is not sustainable and will eventually lead to health problems.
Which health problems develop through loneliness?
Loneliness turns out to be as unhealthy as heavy drinking and smoking. It disturbs your meridians, results in chronic stress and can therefore cause you to feel gloomy, distrustful and sad and as though you were superfluous. “No one misses me.” “Nobody needs me.” “Nobody loves me.” It exhausts your body.
Loneliness causes disturbance within your skin. This is knowledge from Chinese medicine. People who don’t want to make contact, to be touched, who are afraid of intimacy, can in the long term develop skin problems.
Loneliness to be taken more seriously
It appears that loneliness must be taken much more seriously by health care. Visiting someone once in a while doesn’t solve one’s loneliness. You can deal with loneliness by becoming active and need to be lead through step by step. Coaching is important to really work through the loneliness.
What can you do with the MIR-Method with loneliness?
To deal with loneliness, it’s very important that you get into action. And that’s often the problem: shyness, uncertainty, having been rejected or abandoned too many times.
One of the most commonly heard results of the MIR-Method is that it strengthens your self-confidence. By doing the MIR-Method you restore your contact with yourself; you give yourself love. This makes it easier to take steps towards others. Feeling better in your own skin lowers the threshold towards others!
Old emotions are slowly erased through step 3: “Detach father. Detach mother” and through step 4: “Clear meridians”.
Step 7: “Fulfill basic needs” strengthens your intern sense of security and the feeling that you are protected. Moreover it strengthens your ability to encourage yourself to meet new people.
Step 8: “Optimize Chakras and Aura” contributes something extra. Chakra 7, also called the “crown chakra”, is optimized. This chakra has the characteristic of strengthening the contact with your higher consciousness, your higher self. People whose chakra 7 is disturbed can feel intense loneliness, feeling cut off from their true selves, from their core. When they optimize this chakra again, a feeling of connection and of being supported can be restored.
By doing step 9: “Clarify mission” the contacts in your life change. It becomes slowly clearer what is important for you. Old hobbies resurface. You “just happen” to meet people.
Always do all 9 steps!
I mentioned a few of the MIR-Method steps above. But it remains important that you always do all 9 steps and don’t leave any out, because they all work together!
Look for connection with others!
To strengthen the connection with other people, groups of people are brought together everywhere. In social life, for example, dance groups, groups of people who think the same way: meditational groups, book clubs, etc. They bring you into a group of like-minded people. Everywhere there are new initiatives to bring people together. I am very happy about this and applaud it! Nothing is better than being with like-minded people and connecting with each other.
Where is your group?
Do you know of or have a group of people who come together and are open to connecting with each other? Please let me know below. Thank you!
And start letting me know where you live! Mention your website so interested people can take a look at it. Thank you for helping to create connections between people!
My wish for you is that you experience strong connections with wonderful people around you!
P.S. Do you have any questions? Ask them in my FREE Q&A webinar on 17th of July 2015. Please register now to be sure you can join in! Would love to hear from you!
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P.S. You don’t know the MIR-Method yet? It’s a free healing method. Go to the home page: www.mirmethod.com Look at the video to understand why it’s free. And look at the complete instruction video. Subscribe to the newsletter and the 6 weeks guidance emails for extra support and understanding of the method!
A further comment. It may be hard to accept and acknowledge that we do choose our feelings and emotions and can therefore choose to change them, view ourselves from a different perspective. This is where the MIR method can assist so much because of the ways it can strengthen your consciousness and effect you both physically and emotionally in a very positive way.
Thank you, Mireille, for all that you do and for sharing your knowledge so graciously and freely.
I am writing from Canada. Here, where I live, the city is taking steps to encourage neighbourhood activities and participation. I have a small project called “Partners in Learning”.
We get together to share knowledge of subjects that are of interest to the group. I have organized presenters on, gardening, Fire prevention, wellness topics, de-cluttering, and a host of other topics. I moved to the area last year and it has been a wonderful way to meet people and make friends. We plan to make trips to places of interest within the city too.
I highly recommend singing in a choir! There are several articles on how good for you this is.
As a divorced (many years ago) grandmother, I find one can feel isolated even within a family gathering when you can feel like “the odd one out” because of age and interests. Fortunately I have a wonderful family who I feel love and respect me so those moments of loneliness don’t last too long and don’t happen very often.
If I cannot connect physically, I usually connect to friends via phone, or email etc.
I like to study, write poetry, have many interests, but acknowledge that, once in a while loneliness is part of my life. I just move past it. I have a very strong spiritual reality and know that I am never truly alone, so this too is a comfort during those times.
I have many friends who want to be with me but I more and more avoid people because I am so sad. I sometimes don’t leave the house for days. Now I’ve noticed that when I go out I feel a sort of panic.
My son died suddenly 9 years ago at 39. two year later my husband left and fell in love with another woman after 27 years of marriage.
I can’t seem to recover and be free of loneliness and grief. I have been sick too. First Asthma then 2 hip replacements, bronchitis, vertigo and pneumonia. I cam to the MIR-Method to improve my immune system.
I can’t stand myself.
I did the MIR-Method for three months and noticed some changes but since I stopped I seem to be fearful and angry all over again.
Therapy really doesn’t help.
I’m a mess but I think I appear in control and funny to the outside world while I’m so alone on the inside.
It is so sad to read how you’re feeling. Does music help you at all? And maybe, if you could give it one more try, consult a MIR-Method coach. She can help you and teach you what to do to shake off this feeling of withdrawing in your own cocoon.
Wishing you happiness again!
I caught my husband cheating on me, he left that girl as we have been married for 19 yrs & have been together for 25 yrs. we have 3 children.. My problem is that I’m deeply hurt with his action & can’t completely trust him. Also we have lost the friendship part of our relationship. Can’t u help me Pls??? Is there anyway I can revive our relationship???
To rebuild trust, takes time. You CAN heal the hurt with the MIR-Method, but it will take time. Also make sure you talk with your husband to find out what needs he has and if something is missing for him. Make sure you also let him know what you need in the relationship. It would be an idea to interview one another to find out. I wrote an article about this. And it can be quite good fun! 23. Interview your sweetheart.
Many women are capable to forgive their husband, however it should be quite clear that it is just this one time, and there’ll be no next time. Always mention your boundaries, in a loving way.
Take good care of yourself and I truly hope you two can be happy again!
Greetings, Mireille Mettes
Plan small.activities with your partner, what did you truelly enjoy together when the relationship was young. Movie, gardening, travelling and then try to.laugh. he missed something otherwise he would not have sidestepped,courage to.glue the pieces back together. Diana Belgium
That’s a very important step to find back the happiness in a relationship! Thank you for adding!
Greetings, Mireille Mettes