“To Have to” is a remarkable verb! I “have to” get working again. I “have to” look nice. I “have to” keep my garden nice for my neighbors. I always “have to” send the members of my family a card when it’s their birthday. I “have to” listen to my friend talk on the telephone for an hour. I “have to” go to the gym 3 hours a week. I “have to” cook for my family each day. I “have to” visit my family on Christmas. I “have to” buy a new car. I “have to” work on my book. I “have to” to do arts and crafts with my children. I “have to” sleep. If you use the words “have to” often, you are being harsher for yourself than you realize. The words “have to” leave you no freedom, no choice. And, the words “have to” separate you from your feelings. It’s a pretty bad expression, then, isn’t it, “have to”? Yes, actually, it is. It restricts you more than you’d like for it to! It’s mandatory and leaves you no choice.
How strict are you with yourself?
What are all the things you think you “have to” do? Do you have to look great every day? Does your garden always have to be in tip-top shape for the neighbors? Do you have to send everyone a card? Do you have to listen to your friend for a whole hour on the telephone? Do you have to go to the gym 3 times a week? Do you have to cook for your family, every single day? Do you have to visit your family at Christmas? Do you have to buy a new car? Do you have to? Or, can you because you really want to?
Were you ever really an adolescent?
Adolescents are young people who realize that they have something to say. They are able to make more and more decisions about their own lives. You’ll probably hear the teenager in your house use the expression, “I don’t have to do anything!” It makes something instantly clear. “Mom, Dad, let me decide for myself!” They’re actually asking for respect and space.
But what if you were never actually an adolescent yourself? What if you never really felt that you made your own decisions? Felt that you didn’t really have a say in what you did? If you went through puberty without these much-needed battles with your parents, it’s possible that you demand more of yourself than you’d actually like to.
Replace the word “have to”
It’s fairly easy to get “have to” out of your system. Something fundamental changes within you once you do. You go from feeling coerced to feeling free! Here’s an idea for this. Replace the words “have to” with “would like to” and your day totally changes. “I ‘have to’ buy flowers for my neighbor” becomes “ ‘I’d like’ to buy flowers for my neighbor”. “I ‘have to’ finish this work today” becomes “ ‘I’d like’ to finish this work today”. “I ‘have to’ go to the birthday party on Saturday” becomes “ ‘I’d like’ to go to the birthday party on Saturday”.
You’ve suddenly gained an extra possibility. As soon as you say, “would like”, you automatically ask yourself, “Do I really want to?” This immediately causes a response. You’ll notice if you really want to do something or not! If you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to!
Who’s forcing you anyway?
When you use the words “have to”, you distance yourself from the responsibility. You subconsciously have the idea that someone else is deciding for you. Who is that? Your partner? Your children? You father or mother? Or is it the invisible “boss” you are working for?
Whenever you use the words “would like to”, the enforcer disappears. You do something because you want to. Because it feels good. Because you’d like to take care of something. Because you’d like to do that task. This “have to” is a typical characteristic of people with fibromyalgia. They help everyone with everything and often do things because they think they “have to”. When they can put that into perspective, even their physical problems can disappear!
The MIR-Method and “to have to”
If you do the MIR-Method, your inner younger self becomes more visible. Read about that in article 109, “Has Your Inner Rebel Reawakened?”. You begin to question everything that you’ve just been doing. Why am I doing this? Do I still want to do this? And slowly but surely you discover that you don’t have to do anything! You are free to choose, always and everywhere!
Now tell me please, what did you “have to” do? Have you noticed that this is decreasing because of the MIR-Method? Please write about it below! Thank you!
My wish for you is that you want to do a lot and have to do little!
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P.S. Are you not yet familiar with the MIR-Method? Please go to the homepage: www.mirmethod.com. You can watch the video there and also the instruction video. Register on the homepage to receive the newsletter and 6 weeks of coaching e-mails for extra support!