66. Two reasons to gossip
Gossiping, talking about people behind their back, is the cause of a lot of misery. It creates an incomplete picture of reality and leads to misunderstandings. This is a serious form of miscommunication because the consequences are huge. It creates distance between people! When someone believes whatever someone else says, the wrong picture is formed. If the other person doesn’t have the chance to correct that picture, the first wedge has been driven.
Were you raised on gossip?
I myself was raised in a gossiping environment. It was very normal to talk about other people behind their backs and preferably negative and exaggerated. With as culmination that people gossiped about me while I was right there. I was 13 and two aunts sat in the garden, a few chairs away from me. “No, she doesn’t have much of a rack yet.” “Oh well, she will have to make the best of what she’s got.”
How bad is it when people gossip?
Not until much later, when I was grown up myself, did I realize that this isn’t normal at all! Speaking badly about someone else is a form of violence. And maybe the worst kind. It’s namely an invisible form, one from which you can’t defend yourself. In schools and work situations, people are often bullied. The source of this bullying is gossip and malice. In many group cultures, it’s normal to make another person look bad. Openly disapproving of someone’s behavior, or even worse: twisting the facts around.
What two reasons are there to gossip?
Gossip out of habit: What moves people to gossip and speak badly? When I thought about this, I came to a shocking conclusion: people gossip because they are used to it. They don’t know any better and gossip because everyone does it. What else is there to talk about?
Gossiping because of insecurity: In addition, gossiping is an attempt to make yourself appear stronger. Gossipers themselves are insecure. To win allies for themselves, so they can belong to the group, they make others look bad and put them down. This makes them more important. Or so they think.
How do you stop gossiping?
Gossip is a form of communication that can disappear. For that, you have to first become aware that you gossip. What do you actually say when you talk about someone else? Is it positive or negative?
The MIR-Method helps with this
The MIR-Method stops the need for gossiping. How? Because your self-confidence grows. It is the most often reported result of the MIR-Method: self-confidence grows!
This comes through step 4: “Clear meridians” and most especially in the spleen meridian. The more this meridian flows, the more self-confident you feel. And the more self-confidence you have, the less need you have to put someone else down.
With step 3: “Detach father. Detach mother” you detach yourself from your family’s habits. If you grew up in a family that gossiped about each other, where speaking negatively about each other was normal, you will let go of this. You detach yourself from the culture and it becomes easier for you to not take part in it anymore but to choose more positive, uplifting words.
With step 7: “Fulfill basic needs” it becomes easier to function as if looking into a reflective mirror. “What you don’t want someone to do to you, you don’t do to the other person.” You continue to build on your inner leadership with “Security”, “Trust” and “Protection”. People who rediscover their inner leadership, don’t need to put other people down but can stand next to them, in harmony.
Always do all 9 steps!
I mentioned a few steps of the MIR-Method above but it remains important that you always do all 9 steps and don’t leave any out because they all work together!
There is another possible way to talk about each other: via “positive gossip”. I always like doing that. You talk about someone who is not there but in a positive way. “Do you know what I heard about her? That she inspires so many people during flower arranging. She tells such wonderful stories while doing this!” I really like this! And in this way we can give each other a better environment to live in! It’s really very easy!
And you? Do you recognize this? Is it easier for you to not gossip? Please let me know about it below. Thank you!
By using the “End” key on your keyboard you can go straight to the form. Personal questions should always be asked of a MIR-Method coach!
My wish for you is wonderful inner leadership!
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Gossiping is deeply ingrained in our culture… Its almost like an energy release fr the two people involved.
The victim is unaware what’s being said about them and as you say can’t defend themselves….
If only we knew what a destructive coping mechanism it is we would not resort to it..I feel the Mir Method could help reduce it and deter society – young and old from resorting to such a’backbiting release method’.
Hello dear people , the interesting thing is when somebody wants to involve you in listening to their gossip to say for example I m not interested in this story…neutral ..I’m interested in you..The MIR-Method has caused some important changes in my life ….Thank you !!!!
Nice one, Barika, thank you!
Greetings, Mireille Mettes
Gossiping is negative energy and I was taught if you can not say something nice, do not say anything. Going with the premise of do no harm! MIR-Method reinforces this and helps keep inner balance.
My neighbours(sadly they are also my relatives) make my life miserable they gossip about my family,slander us and they do it because of malice.They judge our hard situation because they live in luxury.They dont have any kind of empathy guess they have narcissistic personality disorder.Im very isolated. I dont want to get hurt with their words.I hate my life and Im very desperate.I Dont want to move on because of them.I feel the negative energy from them in our house.
I know that we are cursed even our house and the place where we live.Im so unfortunate.I dont know how to change the situation .It would be better not to see them anymore.How can the MIR-Method help in this situation?
If you start using the MIR-Method, you will subconsciously work on this situation. You will detach yourself from your neighbours and their energy. You will become stronger, so negative energy won’t touch you as much. And the energy in your house will clear up. And maybe, maybe you will change houses, or they will.
There will be a solution to this problem. Usually the solution will come from inside of you. Either you will make peace with it or their will be changes. Please note that it can be a matter of months before everything has changed or settled.
Good luck and let me know how you are doing! Wishing you all the comforting and strength you need!
I am a member of the Baha’i Faith. Backbiting and Gossip is forbidden.
It is so negative and destructive. It harms the two people who are talking and also the person that they are talking about! It affects their soul.
The negative energy is not good for them or the entire planet.
Thank you for letting me know! And how wonderful that your group has this so concrete in it’s ways! Thank you for the example you set all together!
Greetings, Mireille Mettes
This is very wise,I do my best not to gossip and try to defend the person
When I hear unkind words,but it is great for us all to be reminded.
Thank you for responding. Yes, I think it is even the basis of why many women don’t grow as much as they could. I am thinking about making a video about it.