123. Why People Are Afraid to Help Each Other
Contributing to someone else’s life is the purpose of life. I believe this. It’s effortless. When you see what it does for you to have helped someone else, it’s amazing. Your heart glows and you feel intense happiness. Thankfully, this is the case! It’s especially nice when people become actively involved in helping other people. Birdy sang, “People, Help the People”, and I strongly believe in this. Giving is normal. It’s something that’s in our genes. We are not just greedy or thinking only about ourselves. Doing good is a part of human nature. People can’t just not do it; it comes naturally to them.
Two stubborn emotions
Two emotions which hinder people from helping others: Fear and Shame. These are two stubborn emotions that we all have problems with. All of us, even successful people who stick their necks out.
Just think about giving a dollar to a street newspaper salesperson or a street musician. Most people find this nerve-wracking. But there is one difference. One is inundated by his /her own fear and embarrassment while the other person faces up to them, takes control over them and carries on.
Talk with your fear and shame
Recently, I learned that you could view Fear and Shame as small children. They want to tell you something. Sometimes it’s to warn you and it’s a good thing to be careful. Usually it is a reminder from the past and Fear wants to prevent you from experiencing the same thing over again. Shame does this as well. What really helps is to have a conversation with Fear.
What’s the problem, Fear?
You shouldn’t go there; it’s dangerous!
Why is that?
Because some of the people there aren’t nice. They might be mean to you!
Has this happened to you before, Fear?
Yes, and you know it as well as I do! It was really unpleasant!
And now you’re afraid it will happen again?
You know, Fear, it’s ok that you’re afraid. That’s fine. It wasn’t easy for you then. You experienced some very bad things when you were young. But now you’re an adult. If someone is mean to you, you can say something back. Or just ignore them or just leave. I’ve got choices and I’m safer now, because I’m grown up now, an adult.
Well, if you think so.
Come on, give me your hand, and we’ll go together. I’ll be careful and stand up for myself.
Having a conversation with Shame
The same thing is true for Shame. This is such a stubborn emotion! Shame is deeply rooted and doesn’t want to come to the surface. Read about it in article 22: “Shame Doesn’t Like Daylight”. Because of this, we are often not even aware of feeling ashamed.
Become aware of when you feel shame. Since I started saying out loud that I am embarrassed, when I don’t return a call on time or forgot an appointment, for example, my life has become a lot easier. “Oh, I feel so ashamed I didn’t call you on time, as I promised.” “I feel so ashamed that I forgot our appointment, I’m sorry!” It becomes visible and I can deal with it differently the next time. Shame holds people back in many areas, just like fear. It prevents us from being enthusiastic, to be able to spontaneously help someone, to be the first person to say that you don’t agree with something. Or is that more out of fear? Hum, these two are a lot more similar than I at first realized. They are both paralyzing emotions, which keep you from taking steps.
Fear asks Shame: Why are you afraid, Shame?
Because I’m afraid I’ll make a fool of myself.
Oh, you’re afraid they’ll laugh at you?
Yeah, and that they’ll shut me out.
So, you’re actually not participating so you don’t have to be embarrassed and can remain a part of the group, because you like being a part of it.
Yes! I’m glad you understand me.
Well, you’re really just like me. I’m not ashamed. I’m just afraid. So I don’t do anything, either. Why don’t we just stay together and not do anything?
Yeah, great idea!
The MIR-Method for a better society
And in this manner, Fear and Shame don’t take a single step and resist life like a millstone around one’s neck. If Fear and Shame had a say about it, not much change would come about in the world.
If you do the MIR-Method, you change this. Be prepared for your life never to be the same again, but be prepared for taking steps. You will embrace your fear, which will slowly diminish because of it. Shame will become more transparent, subtler, like fog that dissolves in the sun’s rays. It’s really amazing to observe that. People who do the MIR-Method become braver and dare to do more. They enter situations more quickly where they can help other people; they dare to stick their necks out. They don’t remain trapped in their fear but get moving.
They talk about what bothers them and by talking about it, it helps others to face their own fears and shame. I love MIRrors a lot; they are a beautiful type of person because they put fear and shame in the correct place, as givers of advice from the past when you were a child and not as strong as you are now. They are sounds to take seriously but not to allow hinder you. May we have millions of MIRrors in the world!
And you? How far have you come? Is there something you were afraid of but did anyway? In spite of your fear or shame? I’d love to hear about it! Please write about it below. Thank you!
You should always ask a MIR-Method coach about personal questions!
P.S. Will you help spread the MIR-Method? You would do me a big favor by forwarding this article to other people! Feel free to post it to your Facebook page or send it via e-mail, Twitter or Linked-In! Use the icons on the left-hand side or below! Thank you!
P.S. Not familiar with the MIR-Method yet? Please go to the homepage. You can watch the video there and also the instruction video. Sign up for our newsletter and 6 weeks of coaching e-mails for extra support!
I find the MIR method very useful for grounding oneself and moving forward in life
Fear is an ongoing strangling emotion that eats away our psyche and keeps us stuck in present mode. Doing a MIR routine twice daily for 3 weeks helps alleviate stress and strain associated with fearful situations.
I would like to ask you if it is necessary to perform MIR for the three week period. Some days I forget to do the routine and is i tacceptable to add on extra time to make up 3 weeks?
That is no problem. Just pick it up again. Even if you forget it for more than one day, it is no problem. Please print the 9 steps and put them in several places (bed, bathroom, kitchen, car, at work, wallet, etc.) so you will remind yourself to do the 9 steps. To help you, you can also apply for the guidance emails. Register for them at the home page.