We talk to each other daily, and also listen. Still, listening is a specific skill that we didn’t learn at school. Well, you had to be quiet and listen to the teacher but that isn’t what I mean here. I’m talking about really listening. Hearing what the other person says and what the other person means! Misery comes in to the world when people don’t really listen to each other. And to learn how to listen, it’s handy to know how to do that, and how not to. An example of awkward listening is to ‘take over the conversation’, something people often do.
Taking charge of the conversation
The most awkward way of listening to someone is by taking charge of the conversation. Imagine, you’ve been to the dentist and would like to tell someone about it. It goes like this:
– You: ‘I went to the dentist this morning. Root canal treatment, pfff…’ And you take a breath to continue and the other person is already speaking:
– ‘Oh, root canal treatment! I’ve also had that! It was really horrible! They gave me 3 injections but it wasn’t enough! And the dentist said…’
And your story about the dentist is gone. The other person is enthusiastic about being able to tell his/her story and the question is whether he/she is going to listen to the rest of your story.
Bite your tongue!
Are you the kind of person who does that? That quickly identifies with the person and searches to see if you’ve gone through that as well? Do you want to tell your story immediately? Bite your tongue! Not literally, of course. Sorry, maybe written a bit violently. I mean: keep your words to yourself! Don’t interrupt the other person right away with what your experience was, but let the other person share his/hers until the story is finished. See if you can focus on the other person. Ask the other person questions, such as, ‘How did you feel afterwards?’ Or, share empathetic sentences, such as, ‘Well, that wasn’t any fun for you, was it?’. Then the other person speaks and you are truly listening….. forming a real connection!
A shortage of listening and the MIR-Method
Do you often take charge of someone else’s conversation? Look back in your youth to see if you weren’t listened to enough. Did you have to attract attention by demanding it?
With the MIR-Method, you ensure through step 7: ‘Fulfill basic needs’, that your basic need for Attention is supplemented. You heal the pain from the shortage of attention, which provides you the space to listen to someone else! It causes you to feel that not every conversation has to be about you. You don’t have to take charge of someone else’s conversation but can listen and let the other person tell his/her story. Because, letting someone else talk… is pure healing!
And how about you? Do you notice that you have more room for other people since doing the MIR-Method? I’d love to hear about it! Please write about it below. Thank you!
That you find pleasure in peaceful listening!
P.S. You would do me a big favor by spreading the MIR-Method to others by posting this article to your Facebook page or forwarding it via e-mail, Twitter or Linked-In! Use the icons on the left-hand side or below! Thank you!
P.S. Are you not yet familiar with the MIR-Method? Please go to the homepage: www.mirmethod.com. You can watch the video there and also the instruction video. Register on the homepage to receive the newsletter and 6 weeks of coaching e-mails for extra support!