“Detach father”, step 3 of the MIR-Method, often leads to a discussion. “I don’t want to detach myself from my father. I’ve got such a good relationship with him.” “I had a wonderful childhood, why should I detach myself from my parents?” “My father died; it doesn’t feel good to detach myself from him.” These are all easily understood reactions and it’s good to understand better how it works.
What does “detach father” do?
What it does is to detach yourself from your father. From all of his expectations, his projections, his words towards you, his energy, his emotions. And also from everything you did towards your father. Your expectations of him, your behavior to win his love, the defense mechanisms you developed, your longing for the father he wasn’t capable of being. When you say, “Detach father”, you are telling your subconscious, “My father has his life and I have mine”. You take your father out of your system and let him go. He can go his own way. You free yourself to make uninfluenced choices so you can go your own way.
“Father” stands for all men and boys
When you say, “Detach father” with step 3, that not only affects the detachment from your father but from all the men and boys you ever met during your life, including former lives. Your grandfather, uncle, brother, son, nephew, ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, the dentist, Santa Claus, your teachers, the pastor, the reverend, your boss, your colleagues, the police officer, the neighbor, the army commander, the bully at school, your dead brother, etc. And don’t forget your current partner! It’s a big step, with which you free yourself from events and cut the lines with men/boys through whom you are still influenced without you being aware of it. You become less sensitive to the unpleasant influences of men in general, such as dominance, intimidation or aggression. You remain steady in your own strength. You don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed or daunted as easily.
But I had such a good connection to my father
If your father has already passed away, step 3 still works. In spite of his death, you can detach yourself from your father or other men who have passed away, because they can still have an unnoticed influence on you through the way you think about them. “What would father have said?” It doesn’t need to be negative. Maybe the connection to your dad was great and you miss him a lot. “Detach father” can then sound so negative! Yes, I understand that! It’s good to know that all of the MIR-Method is focused on your growth. If you do step 3, it won’t change the bond between you and your father, because it was great. It will more likely strengthen you to be able to draw from a clear picture of how a father can be! For you, step 3 is more focused on detaching yourself from other men. You stroke “Detach father” and the warmth and love for your father remain intact while you detach yourself from all other men.
Absence of a father
Most people find the absence of a father difficult. Fathers in past generations were mainly busy with work. They weren’t home much and when they were, they were often tired or distracted. As a child, you had to leave your father alone. “Be quiet; your father is reading the newspaper.” The absence of a father figure can leave a deep hollowness within you and a feeling of insecurity or inconsolability. That may be the reason that you need more sweets, often have headaches, problems with your intestines or too much abdominal fat. The absence of a father during your childhood goes much deeper than you would think. It can be the root of many emotional problems. It makes me very happy that an increasing number of young fathers choose to spend more time with their child! Fatherhood has changed! Hooray!
Improvement in contact with men
Step 3 “Detach father” has another remarkable effect. You free yourself from your father’s system. He goes his way. You go yours. And then the contact between the two of you improves! I’ve read many people report that the contact between them and their fathers or brothers improved by doing the MIR-Method! Or between an ex-husband and ex-wife! How wonderful! Whole adult families reunited again after years of not seeing one another. They could suddenly get over the very high barriers between them! When family arguments are dealt with, it’s pure happiness. I enjoy this phenomenon of the MIR-Method enormously because I like seeing people in harmony with one another. It was a surprise to me that it works this way, but, in hindsight, could see the logic in it. Wonderful!
And how about you? Have you noticed that you are stronger in the presence of (other) men? During discussions? Do you go your own way more? I’d love to hear about it! Please write about it below. Thank you!
You should always ask a MIR-Method coach about personal questions!
My sincere wish is that you become ever stronger with respect to (other) men!
Greetings, Mireille Mettes
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P.S. Are you not yet familiar with the MIR-Method? Please go to the homepage: www.mirmethod.com. You can watch the video there and also the instruction video. Register on the homepage to receive the newsletter and 6 weeks of coaching e-mails for extra support!