* Cross out the one that doesn’t apply to you.
It still surprises me how little people realize what they are saying. It is as though words don’t have any energy. As if they just roll off of you. We now know that words do have an impact on us. When people talk a lot about bad weather or about dramatic current events, we can become glum or down. And it happens much more often than we realize.
I’d like to ask you to remember the names you were called, name-calling. Mine were: breadstick, and lamppost, because I am a reaaaaally long woman! Within the family were many more affectionate names such as: “strange one”, “bad girl”, “Daddy long legs”, “insufferable child”, “ghastly girl”, “spoiled brat”, “lazy pig”, “bad girl”, “ungrateful child”, and I could continue on in this vein. I will admit that I was a fiery teenager.
Name-calling and Red Flag
Name-calling has an influence on you. Children can deal with a lot. If they hear a bit of verbal abuse, it won’t affect them much, but if they hear this time and time again, day in and day out, year after year, these words gain substance. They become a physical part of you, as a sort of “red flag”. You create opinions about yourself from them, to understand why these names apply to you: “I’m lazy”, or “I can’t be trusted” or “I’m a bad person”. I used to have a red flag for “I can’t be trusted”. When my director joked to a colleague: “You have to check if what she says is correct”, I went crazy. For me that joke was like waving a red flag at a bull. I spoke to my director about it and only understand much later that it really was a joke. Interesting type of humor, by the way.
The beautiful thing is that when people make this type of comment it doesn’t hurt me anymore because I know that it is not true. I was able to heal this by using the MIR-Method. It is incorporated in the 9 steps. This time, you can figure out for yourself in which of the 9 steps healing can found for these “red flags”. There’s something else I want to teach you.
The Red Flag Assignment
See this as a fun game. You remember the names you were called back then and “give” them all “peace”. This means that you say one of these words aloud while stroking your hand. You repeat the insults as often as you can, very calmly, very friendly, while you continue to stroke your hand. At some point, after maybe 20 times, the insults lose their power because you have confronted them with so much tenderness. You give so much love and peace to the insults that they become empty words that can’t hurt you anymore. It can be an emotional process for a while, but that will lessen.
Just keep stroking! When you are finished, go through all 9 steps of the MIR-Method.
Check Whether Your Red Flag is Still Raised
If you would like, you can test afterwards to see if your red flag is still being raised. I did this with a colleague and it was hilarious. She kept insulting and name-calling me, calmly and with everything that upset me. “You’re a liar.” “You’re not a decent person.” “You’re a loser.” And while she said these things, I kept stroking my hand and feeling like it still upset me. It was rather painful at first, but I gradually noticed that I started to realize that it wasn’t true and therefore the words didn’t hurt me anymore.
I hope that it also works for you. Remember that you can always heal yourself from what someone else has said to you. Wipe it all out!
Question for you: What insult and name-calling do you remember? And do you find them affecting you less by stroking peace into them? Share your experience below! Thank you!
Wishing you much happiness and freedom!
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